It is a new semester, a new season, already a period of personal growth. My mind has been working ceaselessly, mulling over new ideas presented by eloquent professors, soaring blissfully between the measures of long-cherished songs, ruthlessly examining the depths of my own wicked heart, hoping to discover a glimmering jewel amidst the rotting garbage. My sins are petty, predictable, and all too frequent. I feel trapped by my own indulgences.
These past few days, Christ has been wooing me back to Him. He whispers to my soul as I slosh mop water onto tiled floors, as I scribble lecture notes, as I sing hymns during chapel services. He loves me. He is pursuing me. And I am somehow still trying to deserve Him.
My relationship with my Savior has been strained for almost two years. I cannot begin to articulate how loudly my addictions screech and wail against Him, how my heart has been clawed to tatters by the warring desires of the flesh and Spirit. My foolish remedy has been to fiercely examine myself, to find every fault, to somehow fix myself through a guilt-ridden face and sheer willpower. I deeply thirst for Him, but I do everything but trust in His grace.
He has taken me into His home, given me His name, and guarded me with His Word. How can I resist such compassionate love?
Oh refuge of my hardened heart
Oh fast pursuing lover come
As angels dance 'round Your throne
My life by captured fare You own
Not silhouette of trodden faith
Nor death shall not my steps be guide
I'll pirouette upon mine grave
For in Your path I'll run and hide
That I may in Your house but kneel
And in my brokenness to cry
Spring worship unto Thee
"Hymn" by Jars of Clay
(The photos were taken by myself, in downtown Chicago.)
What a beautiful and honest post! I'm so glad you shared this. It challenges and convicts me.
ReplyDeleteAh! I am right there with you girlie! There is so much that I need His Spirit to do in me. I am finally coming back to yearning for Him as I should! We press on together!
ReplyDeletePS: I love "Hymn" by Jars of Clay
cute, cute, cute.
ReplyDelete-Rylie from www.rylierenee.com
i lovvvve this post!!!
ReplyDeleteisn't it strange how He still welcomes us?
ReplyDeleteI never can understand that; no reason for Him to want us, except some strange concept He calls love.
thanks for sharing your thoughts!
Hi! I just found your blog through Alison at Stuff and Nonsense and immediately felt like it was God who directed me here. Your post was exactly what I needed today and it is so important for us to remember that we will NEVER deserve the grace and forgiveness He offers to us and yet we still beat our heads against the roll endeavoring to do so...isn't that the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing expecting different results? LOL! :-) I'm years ahead of you in life and yet I feel that I am just now learning to embrace the Freedom we should feel as we walk in relationship with Him!
ReplyDeleteThank you for being a blessing to me today and I'm now your newest follower!
Vanessa
I love this post! I think you should link it up to my Fridays Unfolded today so others can read it as well. Beautiful photography.
ReplyDelete